This Admin 101 column is going to be a new feature in The Assist. The goal of the column is to take a common situation or issue an assistant principal is likely to face and provide some ideas and advice on the dos/dont’s of how to handle the situation. If you have a topic that you would like us to address in the next Admin 101 column please submit it and we will include it next time! 

Admin 101- Angry Parent/Guardian Comes Without an Appointment

As much as we would like to require that parents make an appointment to meet with us, that just isn’t always possible. There are issues that are so immediate we need to give the angry parent our attention. How can you de-escalate the person and have a productive conversation?

  • Make sure your demeanor is calm, bring your own voice to a low level. Speak in a slow and measured manner. Body language is important, arms at your side. Greet the person warmly as if you were expecting them and introduce yourself. Ask their name, be sure to get the first name and use their name often as you continue the conversation.
  • Start by establishing a comfortable environment for the conversation. If possible sit in chairs with the person not across the desk from them, this immediately changes the feel of the conversation. If your office can’t accommodate this a conference room might work. Before you begin talking, ask the person if they would like water or coffee (I always had bottled water and pop in a mini fridge in my office for this reason. I also had a few small toys in my office in case the person arrived with a small child with them). Begin the conversation by asking the person some basics- Students name, grade, how long have they been in the district, do they have other children in the district. How are things going in general....getting an angry person to just talk often helps them to relax a bit and see you as someone who will listen and is interested.
  • Once you have the person in a calmed down ask them what brings them to the office today- “Well John, I know your time is valuable, so what brings you to the office today?”. As they are speaking, practice all of your best listening skills: make eye contact, take notes (with pen/paper so you can be facing them) and ask clarifying questions. 
  • When the person is done sharing their concern, repeat it back to them to ensure you have heard the concern clearly. This also reassures the person that you are listening and you’ve been intently gathering information. 
  • After they have relayed the information ask them what they would like to have happen to address the issue or resolve the situation. This may seem like a strange question, but people will often say, “I just want you to know about this”. They may not be actually asking the school to take specific action. If they suggest a specific action like, “These students have to be suspended and the police need to be notified”. This allows you to have a sense of their expectations and how they may respond if indeed you investgage and the actions they are requesting are not going to be taken.
  • Once you’ve gathered the information from the person let them know the steps you will be taking next, for example:
    • I will arrange for a meeting with you and teacher x. 
    • I will need to talk to your student- would you like to be here when I do that? 
    • It sounds like your student would benefit from meeting with their counselor to get some support, I can arrange for that.
  • If the situation will require you to investigate, let the parent know that you will be in contact with them to follow up, but share the limitations of what you can share in advance...If discipline is issued I am not able to share that with you (all student and staff discipline needs to be kept confidential), but I can let you know that it has been addressed.
  • You should be keeping a log of everyone that visits your office as well as phone calls you make/take with general notes about what was discussed. If the person tells you, “I just wanted you to know” you need to have a record that they did not ask you to do something specific and it is helpful to keep track of what was said just in case it ends up being a recurring problem or there is a claim that nothing was done etc. Administrators speak to so many people per day and per week it would be impossible to recall every interaction. Although keeping a log is another task it is one that will frequently prove to be beneficial. In many districts there are specific expectations for keeping a log but if your district does not have a specific system you may want to establish a specific system for building administrators in the district.

As administrators when we reflect on meetings with angry people that don’t go well we can trace it back to some key mistakes we may have made...Was the person made comfortable, were they listened to, did they feel respected? If these key things don’t happen it is likely the situation did not have a positive outcome. 

Admin 101- Dealing with Staff Members Who Always Complain

As a good administrator you become very adept at solving problems for people. Unfortunately this can lead to people complaining every time they see you as they know you will try to fix the problem. Listening to adults complain day after day can really weigh administrators down and it makes for a long day. How can you mitigate the complaining?

Create systems for problems to be addressed:

  • Meet with your building Union Reps monthly to discuss contractual and non-contractual complaints and requests from the staff. Take notes during this meeting and share it with the whole staff to let them know that their concerns are being heard and addressed. These monthly meetings provide a vehicle for resolving issues. If a staff member comes to you during their conference period to complain about the broken copy machine issues, you can tell them to share the concern with their union rep and we will address it at our monthly meeting. Having a vehicle for addressing complaints once a month will save you time in the long run as you won’t get the daily/weekly hits on these issues.
  • If your complaints are often around building/facility issues- My classroom is freezing, I put in a work order for a new white board months ago with no response etc...Meet with the appropriate personnel to find out why these issues are not being resolved and consider putting a process in place to make things run more smoothly. Schooldude is an online way for staff members to submit work orders. If your district doesn’t have an electronic system for these things it might be something to consider. You may find you need to meet with your head custodian or facility manager weekly to review the work orders, help prioritize and to be made aware of requests that can’t be accommodated.
  • Listen for common threads in complaints. If you are hearing the same thing from a number of people it is likely it is something that needs to be addressed and you need to communicate how it is going to be resolved or why it can’t be resolved. 

Communication and transparency are key when it comes to keeping the staff happy. In general, the staff wants to know that you are aware of a problem and how you are handling it. There may be times when you can’t do what you are being asked and that is ok. Just communicate the rationale or the reason.

Now let’s talk about a strategy for improving your stop and chats with staff in the hallway. As you walk the building between class periods you may stop to say hello to various teachers and staff members. If you lead with, how’s it going? You are very likely to get a complaint or a negative response. It is just human nature for many people. If you find this is happening, change the question you are leading with...What are you teaching today? Do you have any kids that are doing really great work? What projects do you have coming up in your class that might be cool for me to see? What are your plans for the weekend? How are your kids? Hopefully putting systems in place and changing your own greeting methods will help to reduce complaining and make your day to day interactions more enjoyable.